I don't know if anyone has ever thought a lot about it, but sometimes I do. Thanatos is Greek for death, and Aeon is Greek for eternity. It is something has always made my brain explode. I love Jesus with all my heart and am forever grateful for all he has done for us, yet somethings are still quite frightening to me. I don't know if anyone else feels the same. Here is my story, I first got saved behind a couch at my aunt's house, and didn't tell anyone until a day later, but always had one thing I didn't feel quite comfortable with, death and eternity.
At school, I am currently in an English course called American Romanticism. No, it is not about lovey-dovey things, rather it is quite different. It is about a certain time in American history where emotions controlled everyone. While that sounds cool, it is not at all. People acted on impulse and it was just a bit sad. In class, we read a poem about death. Their view of it was so peaceful, so neutral, so normal. I am just really scared of death. I know I shouldn't be but I can't stand thinking about drowning, gasping for air and not being to get anything in return.
I'm not sure if this is the reason I'm afraid of drowning especially, but when I was younger like 4 years old, I didn't know how to swim. I used floaties and loved them. Then, one day at a pool, the floaties just flew right off, and I started sinking. I don't remember much, but I just know that I looked up and saw water that looked like clouds and a bright light. My older friend didn't have her glasses on, so she couldn't help me. I came up gasping for air and heard my mom and a "suk-suk" screaming to the girl where I was. My mom was relieved and so were the others, I just remembered bragging that I just floated to the top.
I really do not believe that was what made me scared, but that is just a possibility. Surprisingly, I am not scared of a gun to my head (I mean not as bad as drowning, I think everyone would feel scared at gun point) or getting hit by something. Slow things scare me incredibly, the feeling of trying to live, but being pulled down and not being able to get that saving help. Suffocation is not as bad to me as drowning but it still makes me scared, even though I know where I will go when I die.
Death became part of my life when my grandpa died in 5th grade; it has been pressing my mind for a while. Before then, death never really was in my life. No one I ever knew died before, except my friend's grandma who I was not really close with. Then other people started leaving the physical, including my awesome band director, I still think about him..., and other's people parents. I know that they are having the time of their lives, I mean, time of their eternity with our Lord Jesus Christ. I am so happy for them, but still it is a bit sad. When I learned one of my friends had a life-threatening illness when she was young just shocked me, she was closer to death than I have ever been and it was at such a young age! She was so young! She was and definitely still is a fighter and hero to me.
Eternity also makes me feel funny. "Wait what, Ethan doesn't want to spend eternity with Christ?!?! *gasp*!" No, I am so excited to be spending my eternity with Christ, thanking him for dying for my sins, spending time with my creator who knit me in my mom's womb, walking on the streets of gold, meeting angels and people from Bible times like Paul, Adam, King David! Yet, whenever I get into deep thought about heaven, I think about two things: spending my time with Jesus forever and the concept of forever.
Some people in ancient times tried to find a way to live forever, I am not one of those who want to. Who wants to stay on this Earth for eternity? On Earth, things here are temporary, and will waste away, even this Earth will decay. If I think about eternity for a little bit, my brain starts to hurt. Yes, I want to spend my eternity with Jesus, but eternity! The thought of never fading, the thought of never ever stopping confuses me. Of course it is possible, God is not controlled by the element of time, that's why he didn't have a beginning and will not have an end. That is so cool, but at the same time I get lost, there is no beginning? What doesn't have a beginning?
When I was younger, when we talked about eternity, my mind would like pop and I would say in my head, "I am in a video game, I am being controlled, but controlled to do what I please, but ultimately, I am being controlled." This, I have discovered, is why I don't game. It brings this back to mind and makes my brain just bounce of walls. The thought of just no stopping, no end, makes me confuzzled. I do not think that God made our brains to understand everything, and I don't think that this was one of the topics he wanted for us to understand fully on Earth.
Of course, I want to eventually die and spend eternity with Jesus, there is no doubt in that. Jesus is worth all of the suffering in the world. I think eternity will always confuse me on Earth, but not make me not want it. I want to spend eternity with my Savior, who resuscitated me, who took the world's sin onto himself. Heaven will be so great, that we will not even think about time (because it doesn't exist) and also because we would just be so happy to have the honor to even be near God. I think that God will makes us feel a way to not notice eternity or time at all. We would just be praising and worshiping God the whole eternity.
Well, these are my thoughts, and yes, it is my first blog post that is, fairly long, involves no media, and are simply my thoughts. I hope to improve always in my walk with Christ, even if now I don't understand some things, I probably will never understand everything on earth, I can trust in God's sovereignty. He has control of everything, including my life. He will not let me go. (If I said something controversial, I am sorry. I didn't mean to do so.)
At school, I am currently in an English course called American Romanticism. No, it is not about lovey-dovey things, rather it is quite different. It is about a certain time in American history where emotions controlled everyone. While that sounds cool, it is not at all. People acted on impulse and it was just a bit sad. In class, we read a poem about death. Their view of it was so peaceful, so neutral, so normal. I am just really scared of death. I know I shouldn't be but I can't stand thinking about drowning, gasping for air and not being to get anything in return.
I'm not sure if this is the reason I'm afraid of drowning especially, but when I was younger like 4 years old, I didn't know how to swim. I used floaties and loved them. Then, one day at a pool, the floaties just flew right off, and I started sinking. I don't remember much, but I just know that I looked up and saw water that looked like clouds and a bright light. My older friend didn't have her glasses on, so she couldn't help me. I came up gasping for air and heard my mom and a "suk-suk" screaming to the girl where I was. My mom was relieved and so were the others, I just remembered bragging that I just floated to the top.
I really do not believe that was what made me scared, but that is just a possibility. Surprisingly, I am not scared of a gun to my head (I mean not as bad as drowning, I think everyone would feel scared at gun point) or getting hit by something. Slow things scare me incredibly, the feeling of trying to live, but being pulled down and not being able to get that saving help. Suffocation is not as bad to me as drowning but it still makes me scared, even though I know where I will go when I die.
Death became part of my life when my grandpa died in 5th grade; it has been pressing my mind for a while. Before then, death never really was in my life. No one I ever knew died before, except my friend's grandma who I was not really close with. Then other people started leaving the physical, including my awesome band director, I still think about him..., and other's people parents. I know that they are having the time of their lives, I mean, time of their eternity with our Lord Jesus Christ. I am so happy for them, but still it is a bit sad. When I learned one of my friends had a life-threatening illness when she was young just shocked me, she was closer to death than I have ever been and it was at such a young age! She was so young! She was and definitely still is a fighter and hero to me.
Eternity also makes me feel funny. "Wait what, Ethan doesn't want to spend eternity with Christ?!?! *gasp*!" No, I am so excited to be spending my eternity with Christ, thanking him for dying for my sins, spending time with my creator who knit me in my mom's womb, walking on the streets of gold, meeting angels and people from Bible times like Paul, Adam, King David! Yet, whenever I get into deep thought about heaven, I think about two things: spending my time with Jesus forever and the concept of forever.
Some people in ancient times tried to find a way to live forever, I am not one of those who want to. Who wants to stay on this Earth for eternity? On Earth, things here are temporary, and will waste away, even this Earth will decay. If I think about eternity for a little bit, my brain starts to hurt. Yes, I want to spend my eternity with Jesus, but eternity! The thought of never fading, the thought of never ever stopping confuses me. Of course it is possible, God is not controlled by the element of time, that's why he didn't have a beginning and will not have an end. That is so cool, but at the same time I get lost, there is no beginning? What doesn't have a beginning?
When I was younger, when we talked about eternity, my mind would like pop and I would say in my head, "I am in a video game, I am being controlled, but controlled to do what I please, but ultimately, I am being controlled." This, I have discovered, is why I don't game. It brings this back to mind and makes my brain just bounce of walls. The thought of just no stopping, no end, makes me confuzzled. I do not think that God made our brains to understand everything, and I don't think that this was one of the topics he wanted for us to understand fully on Earth.
Of course, I want to eventually die and spend eternity with Jesus, there is no doubt in that. Jesus is worth all of the suffering in the world. I think eternity will always confuse me on Earth, but not make me not want it. I want to spend eternity with my Savior, who resuscitated me, who took the world's sin onto himself. Heaven will be so great, that we will not even think about time (because it doesn't exist) and also because we would just be so happy to have the honor to even be near God. I think that God will makes us feel a way to not notice eternity or time at all. We would just be praising and worshiping God the whole eternity.
Well, these are my thoughts, and yes, it is my first blog post that is, fairly long, involves no media, and are simply my thoughts. I hope to improve always in my walk with Christ, even if now I don't understand some things, I probably will never understand everything on earth, I can trust in God's sovereignty. He has control of everything, including my life. He will not let me go. (If I said something controversial, I am sorry. I didn't mean to do so.)
